Thursday, 23 February 2012

The man who invented slow motion.

Have you ever seen a person move so slow that he appears stationary? This is the story of such a person. His name is Shashi (fake name). He has this ability to ride his bicycle so slow that even old people would walk past him.
But I am going to speak of his other ability, one that is so unique to him. He is a living magnet of the cricket ball. He could attract any cricket ball going in some other direction to divert and hit him on his chest. For a guy with such dangerous quality, his house is in the worst possible location, at the end of a cricket ground. Given his unique ability to attract balls, there are some pretty amazing stories of the ball finding its target in the most unusual ways.
Once he was reading newspaper inside the comfort of his house. The cricket ball went through the open window of his house to crash into his chest making a hole in the newspaper. Once he was playing cards under the shade of a tree at a corner of the ground. The cricket ball went straight to the tree hitting the branch and finding its target. This time it hit his head from behind. The force was so strong that he practically fell face down into the deck of cards and came up with a card in his mouth.
And many times, the ball would fly high only to land on his chest while he is on his bike with precision timing. Of all these stories, one story stands out as the best that I could remember.
It was a very close match between our cricket team and our rival team. It was the last over and our rival team needed 5 runs to win. The match was so interesting that there were many spectators gathered to watch of which one was our Shashi. When the last over was being bowled, our fielders were on their toes stopping every attempt for runs. In the 4th delivery of the over, the batsman hit the ball and it was racing towards the boundary. Our youngest and strongest fielder stopped the ball before it could reach the boundary. While he was collecting the ball in his hands, he noticed that the batsman was looking to run again. The fielder did not think then, he aimed at the wicket keeper and threw the ball with all his might.
Only that the ball slipped from his hands and went straight towards Shashi’s chest who was smoking a cigar. The ball landed on his chest with a thundering sound and threw his cigar away in the force of the impact. The whole cricket ground went silent. We were expecting Shashi to yell at us for what we have done, instead he turned and walked. We thought that it is nothing serious since he is not complaining. But the truth was worse. He walked away for he was out of breath. He was not able to breathe in because of the impact to his chest. There was cigar smoke coming out of his nose like mist as he walked in circles.
After a couple of minutes, he could breathe again and the started shouting at us in all the possible ways. He used words that I haven’t heard of, in different ways I haven’t thought of. After half an hour of yelling, he sat down. People who were gathered around asked us to take him to the hospital and so we did.
In the hospital, the doctor asked us to take an X-ray of his chest. When the doctor examined the results, and analysed the extend of different injuries to his chest, the doctor asked, “Did you boys throw stones at the poor man?”

Saturday, 4 February 2012

Male grooming to beautiful boys.

Anyone who has seen me know from my hair style or lack of it that the way I look is not a burning issue with me. However I understand the rather compelling need of a groom to look his best on his big day and also the need of a film star in a movie to look his best since the eyes of his fans and critics scrutinize his every flaw, now that every video content is in 1080p High Definition.
What annoys me is the long line of male beauty products on the rise. I prefer to use the word beauty products rather than male grooming products because that is what they are. Take for instance the ritual of shaving your face. There is a convenience in using lather and a sharp blade for smooth action. Smooth action and not for smooth or soft face. Softness, that’s not masculine, its feminine. You can even go a step further in justifying the use of an antiseptic, but today I was surprised to see a new product, the pre-shaving cleanser cream. Shaving has moved from a ritual to a celebration of male beauty, not grooming or handsome, but beauty.
It’s disgusting for men to smell of body odour but even more shaming to smell pretty… like a teenage girl. Companies those make these products know the truth cannot sell them as what they are. Else you will find “Cinderella Men’s skin cream”, “Snow White fair cream for Men”, “Sleeping beauty Men’s body lotion”. Therefore they choose to use names of military weapons or fast machines to go with the product name so that men using them do not throw away the little pride left in them. These products are actually competing to make you more girly. If it bothers you so much, why not use permanent hair remover on your face, so that you are one step closer to your ultimate transformation to a pretty girl.
It’s one thing to go to the gym or take martial arts classes but to find oneself in a comfy chair with layers of facial cream and pampering chemicals in your hair; waiting for your turn to wash them off in a queue of pretty ladies is disturbing.
We, men love nice smell, but we love them on the lady beside us and not on us. It is the same case with breasts, we love to watch them on ladies and not grow a pair on our self. Picture your father doing the same. Have a little honour at least for the next generation and remember what your father said, be a man.